Is it procrastination or a trauma based survival strategy?

As coaches we know that the thing that clients come to you for coaching on is often not the actual ‘thing’. 

The root cause is perhaps not in their conscious awareness and so you help them find out what is really going on and what they need to help them move forward to where they want to be.

I wanted to explore procrastination with you from a trauma-informed perspective as it is a common complaint many of our clients have. They may tell us that the reason they don’t get things done is they get easily distracted and can’t focus for instance. They may be asking for help in getting organised, to reduce their to-do list or give them tips on time management.

They know what they want, but they just can’t seem to make it happen. 

Offering accountability as well as helping them get unstuck is the bread and butter of many coaches.

The words procrastination, self-sabotage or limiting belief pop to mind as a coach and you set about asking questions so your client can come up with a solution.

But what if you find that despite your best efforts and using your tried and tested tools, you never quite make the progress that the client ‘says’ they want?

Any change is temporary and before long the old way of being is back again.

Or maybe you have experienced a client who suddenly disappears, ghosting you just when you thought you were getting somewhere. You never do find out what it was that caused them to bolt.

Working holistically with your client, on digging a bit deeper you often discover that fear or anxiety are at play, and this is fuelling the avoidance behaviour and procrastination.

Perhaps your next step would be to explore beliefs and look at a belief change exercise with your client.

But where does the fear or anxiety that is keeping them stuck come from?

This is when we get into the realms of the ‘there and then’ impacting us in the ‘here and now’. Which is one of the key principles of being a trauma-informed coach.

Your ears prick up at certain clues which you make note of. Linking up the connections between possible past events that are being projected into the 'here and now' scenario today.

At this stage, we don’t know if this is a survival strategy born from trauma or not. Another aspect of being trauma-informed is we go gently. We ask questions and respond to our client as if trauma is present, which in turn safe-guards our client from being further traumatised by us inadvertently triggering your client or evoking shame if your client’s avoidance is actually a trauma-response.

Being informed isn't to be confused with diagnosing or telling the client they may have trauma. The aim is for us as coaches to be informed about how trauma occurs, how to spot it and how to create a safe and supportive environment for your client which facilitates transformational change for them.

How can procrastination be a trauma- based survival strategy?

The answer lies within our biology and our neurology. Our nervous system is wired for survival.

From a biological sense, if we can’t overcome something that feels bigger than us, if it is more than we can cope with or have capacity for, if we don't have the resources to deal with, our nervous system automatically kicks in. It's aim is to get us to do something which puts distance between the threat and ourselves.

Repeatedly experiencing overwhelm, an inability to cope or defend ourselves sets the scene for something to become traumatic to us. The energy from the overwhelm becomes stuck in our nervous system instead of being expelled. We are frozen in that moment along with our emotion of fear, helplessness and hopelessness.

To protect ourselves from re-experiencing this, unconsciously a pattern is learnt and avoidance becomes an adaptive, proactive strategy to keep us safe. In moving us away from something that has been detrimental to us so we ultimately survive. 

Avoidance has done it’s job perfectly.

If facing challenges alone and feeling unable to cope was commonplace for us, or our environment was more often than not threatening, our bodies nervous system, beliefs and behaviours adapt to use the strategy of avoidance throughout our life. That may be in tasks, activities, people, or a place. This response kicks in whenever something feels too big to deal with.

And this can include avoiding our emotions. Especially if they feel overwhelming.

To read about the link between our relationship with our emotions and procrastination through the trauma-informed lens click here. It ties in nicely with what we covered today!