When things around you feel overwhelming or are weighing heavy on you.
Part of being an empathetic person is that you are able to put yourself in another’s shoes. To imagine vividly what they may be experiencing. This can lead to feelings of anxiety or emotional overwhelm. And perhaps there are feelings of frustration or anger along with sadness, of what you can do, or why people make the choices they do.
The model I am going to share with you is a fantastic resource to use when you are feeling your emotions rise around things which feel bigger than you do. In this space, we can feel like things are happening to us. That we are powerless or even helpless. At the behest of the way things are.
It is adapted from the work of Steven Covey who wrote the classic book ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’
Exercise.
Step 1.
Write down all the things you’re worried about. I use a flip chart with post it notes that we can move around when working with a client, but writing you list on a piece of paper is fine too.
Perhaps you’re worried about other people, or how things will impact you, what the future holds, what if ‘xyz’ happens, a holiday you have planned, losing your job or a conflict at work, your health or wellbeing, etc.
Step 2.
Draw a large circle and label it CONTROL.
Next a larger circle encompassing the first circle and label this INFLUENCE
Then a 3rd larger circle again around the first two. Label this CONCERN.
Step 3.
Place all the things you are worried about on your list into the circle of concern for now.
Step 4.
Ask yourself, which of those worries do you know you have full control over? These may include things involve the choices or action you directly make. Move these to the circle of control.
Step 5.
Look at the worries that remain in the circle of concern. Which of these do you have some influence over? This may be by volunteering or showing support in another way. Move these to the circle of influence.
Step 6.
Now, look at the worries that you moved to the circle of influence. Do you actually have more control of those things than you think you do? Could you move any of them into the circle of control?
Step 7.
Reflect back on what is left in the area of concern. How much of your focus and attention is spent on worrying about what you cannot control?
‘’Where our focus goes, energy flows.’’
When we spend time worrying and trying to fix things which are out with our control, we are draining our energy and lowering our resilience levels, as we ultimately have no control over these things. Eventually, going around and around in circles, with no resolution. We can become stuck.
Instead, by focusing our energy and attention on what we can control, and what we can influence, it allows us to move forward. The circles of influence and control will begin to grow as we notice other options available to us. This brings in feelings of being empowered and having options to us.
Some ideas of what we can control
When we have become stuck, it can be difficult to see the wood for the trees. So below are some suggestions of things we do have influence over.
Your boundaries
What you are available for
What is important to you
What you focus on
How you speak to yourself
What you read
What you consume
What you watch on TV
How much time we spend on social media
What posts we engage with
What you post on social media
What you say
How you behave
How you respond
What actions you take
The people you spend time with socially
What you read
What exercise you do
What time you go to bed
What you believe in
What you eat
What you buy
What you do to have fun
How you engage with and treat others
What behaviour you will tolerate around you
How available you are to others
The different ways you treat yourself with compassion & kindness
If you are struggling with feeling anxious or overwhelmed and would like to find out more about how I can help, click here. Or if you know you are ready to move forward, I offer a free call so you can find out more.